Forgiveness Does Not Always Equal Proximity

As Christians, we often hear that we’re supposed to forgive. And it’s true—Scripture makes it clear that forgiveness is not optional. But sometimes, forgiveness gets misunderstood. We start to think it means we have to stay close to the person who hurt us, or even restore the relationship back to what it once was.

The truth is: forgiveness does not equal proximity. Let’s break that down.

Forgiveness Is About Obedience to God

Jesus teaches us to forgive as we’ve been forgiven (Matthew 6:14–15; Colossians 3:13). When we forgive, we’re choosing to release our right to hold bitterness, anger, or vengeance over someone. We’re letting go, not because they deserve it, but because Christ forgave us when we didn’t deserve it.

Forgiveness is first and foremost a heart issue—it’s about your obedience to God and your spiritual freedom.

Proximity and Reconciliation Require Trust

Forgiveness can be one-sided. You can forgive someone without them ever apologizing, repenting, or changing. But reconciliation—that’s a two-way street.

Reconciliation means restoring a relationship, and that requires humility and repentance from both sides. Jesus Himself said, “If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them” (Luke 17:3). Notice the word repent. Without repentance, reconciliation isn’t possible.

And proximity? That’s another step altogether. Just because you’ve forgiven someone doesn’t mean they should still have the same access to your life. Proverbs reminds us to walk wisely and even distance ourselves from those who continually cause harm (Proverbs 14:7).

Boundaries Are Biblical

Some people think setting boundaries means you’re being unforgiving. Not true. Boundaries are actually biblical.

Jesus Himself set boundaries. He often withdrew from crowds (Luke 5:16) and even avoided certain places where people were seeking to harm Him (John 11:54). Paul had sharp disagreements that led to creating space in relationships (Acts 15:36–40).

Forgiveness says, “I release you from my judgment.” Boundaries say, “But I won’t allow you to keep hurting me.” Both can exist at the same time.

Forgiveness Frees You

At the end of the day, forgiveness isn’t about making the other person feel better. It’s about freeing your heart.

• Forgiveness frees you from bitterness.

• Forgiveness allows God to heal what was broken.

• Forgiveness keeps your spirit tender before the Lord.

But remember: forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting the pain, excusing the behavior, or forcing a broken relationship back together. Sometimes the most Christlike thing you can do is forgive from a distance.

Final Thought

Forgiveness is unconditional because Jesus calls us to forgive, no matter what. Proximity and reconciliation, however, are conditional. They depend on trust, repentance, and change.

So walk in forgiveness—for your sake and for Christ’s glory—but don’t confuse it with staying close to those who continue to harm you. Let grace rule your heart, and let wisdom guide your boundaries.