When Submission Is Demanded, Not Earned: A Reflection on Leadership and Control in the Church

Our lives are shaped by countless experiences—some beautiful, others difficult. But occasionally, a moment occurs that lingers, not because it was loud or dramatic, but because it quietly reveals something deeper. For me, one such moment happened during my time on a church staff—a moment that forced me to wrestle with questions about leadership, trust, and what it really means to walk in submission.

Let me be clear: this isn’t a post about rebellion. It’s not about defying leadership or tearing down biblical principles. In fact, the book that sparked this reflection is filled with strong scriptural insights. But this is about something more subtle—and more troubling.

It’s about how sacred truth can sometimes be misused.
How Scripture can be twisted to protect control.
How “submission” can become a muzzle, rather than a mindset of mutual trust.

The Meeting That Shifted Something in Me

I remember sitting in a staff meeting where the air felt heavy. Tension buzzed under the surface—unspoken wounds, old betrayals, stories of people who had come and gone.

I didn’t walk into that room intending to stir conflict. But as the discussion unfolded, it became clear that many decisions were being shaped not by vision, but by fear. Mistrust seemed to cast a long shadow over everything. It felt like people were talking around problems, but not to them.

So I asked a question. Not to challenge authority, but to seek clarity:
“If that approach won’t work, then what will?”

I didn’t expect applause. But I also didn’t expect what came next.

“I Think You Should Read It Again”

The next morning, I sat in my office when someone quietly entered and placed a book on my desk.
Curious, I asked, “What’s this?”
They replied, “Have you read it?”
I nodded. “Yes.”
Then came the response:
“I think you should read it again.”

At first, I was confused. But the more I thought about it, the more it became clear: My question from the previous day had been interpreted not as a plea for constructive dialogue, but as a sign of defiance. The book, once a source of biblical truth, was now being used as a silent rebuke.

It wasn’t about learning anymore. It was about control.

When Authority Becomes a Weapon

There’s something deeply unsettling about watching biblical truth be weaponized—not to teach, not to shepherd, but to enforce. Yes, Scripture teaches us to honor and submit to our leaders (Hebrews 13:17). But it also warns against those who lord their authority over others (Matthew 20:25–28).

True leadership doesn’t demand silence.
It invites questions.
It fosters dialogue.
It values people over protocols.

When leaders use Scripture to suppress honest voices or push conformity under the guise of “spiritual order,” something holy is being distorted. And what was meant to bring freedom begins to feel like spiritual manipulation.

What Real Leadership Looks Like

Through this experience, I began to see leadership differently.

Leadership isn’t about micromanagement. It’s about trust.
It’s not about guarding power. It’s about giving people space to grow.
It’s not about silence. It’s about service.

Real authority isn’t afraid of hard questions.
It’s not threatened by curiosity.
It doesn’t use the Bible as a bat—it holds it out like a lamp.

True leaders don’t demand submission. They earn respect.

Final Reflections

If you’ve ever found yourself in a place where your faithfulness is questioned because you asked something honest… I see you. And you’re not alone.

This isn’t a call to walk away from leadership. It’s a call to lead better.
To steward influence with humility.
To use Scripture as a guide, not a gag.
To build cultures of grace, not fear.

Let’s be people who ask hard questions—and welcome them too.
Let’s be leaders who listen with open hands, not clenched fists.
Let’s be churches where truth isn’t used to control—but to set people free.